All Other Jaded Nonsense

Post-Halloween Recap: Was Turning Off The Porch Light, Ordering Take-Away, And Acting Like We Weren’t Home The Best Way To Handle The Holiday? You Bet It Was!

Despite the gory trend that has overtaken Halloween in past years (see my recent diatribe on that very subject), it’s still, to me, a special time. In our house, we’re full-on holiday junkies. It’s like meth to us, except the side effects are happiness and joy, which are far preferable to losing our teeth or scratching off our own skin.

We start decorating for Halloween on September 1. Why so early? Because that’s the start of the holiday season, you sillies! Everyone knows the last four months of the year are all about the magic of the holidays. There sure is a lot to celebrate.

Fall (Leaves!)

Halloween (Pumpkins!)

Winter (Snow!)

Hanukkah (Dreidels!)

Christmas (Presents!)

Boxing Day (Fights!)*

Kwanzaa (Art!)

New Year’s Eve (Lies!)**

*I’m not entirely certain on this. I’ve also heard it’s a bank holiday.

**Also referred to as “resolutions.”

So, when September finally rolls around each year, we fill our house with beautiful autumnal décor, including assorted bits of creepy Halloween imagery. After all, we’re not against spooky decorations. We’re just not for splattering fake blood all over our walls.

Now, because of our rigid (and early) decorating schedule, we’ve found a lot of people think we greatly anticipate the actual arrival of Halloween.

Not so much, to be honest.

We like it, of course. But, we don’t attend costume parties. We don’t go to haunted houses. We don’t trick-or-treat.

And on the subject of trick-or-treaters, when it comes to having them stop by our house to ring our doorbell, we…well…

We’re not interested.

I mean, they’re cute and all, but on the whole, while I hold some great nostalgia for trick-or-treating from when I was a kid, these days, it just feels like sanctioned solicitation.

Frankly, if I’m not opening the door for the Mormons, then I’m certainly not opening it for zombies.

Or a cowboy.

Or a princess.

Or a Mormon zombie.

Halloween Costumes

Awww…cute. Now go away. (Photo credit: Transguyjay)

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe not. But, just in case you’re curious, we’ve found the only way to avoid contact with young, hungry candy-hunters is to basically go into survivalist mode on Halloween night. Some key pointers:

–Lock the doors. It’s amazing how bold people get when candy is on the line. They’ll totally check the knob, just to see if it moves.

–Turn off all the lights. All of them. You seriously have to sit in the dark if you want to make it through.

–Close the blinds, or they’ll see you moving. I also recommend crawling from room to room to avoid any noticeable shadows.

–Turn on the electric fence. I’m kidding, of course, because we don’t have an electric fence, but if you do, fire it up. It’s a big help.

These simple tips, along with delicious take-away food to enjoy in silence on the floor in the corner of your kitchen, make for a fantastic Halloween evening, free from the nuisance of ringing doorbells, begging children, or the gnawing temptation to throw a rock in some kid’s bag all Charlie Brown style.

Usually, by about 9 p.m. or so, the situation starts to improve for us. We light a candle or two. We stand up. We start speaking to each other in hushed whispers.

And by midnight, we’re all clear. Plus, something wonderful happens in our house.

Christmas arrives!

That’s right! While all those trick-or-treaters are slipping into sugar comas thanks to the candy they got from the suckers who opened their doors, we’re singing Christmas carols and having visions of sugarplums.

It’s two months of candy-colored happiness, y’all! And it kicks off today!

It’s also a season typically filled with lots of parties and visitors. So, you might be wondering how we handle people at our door at Christmastime.

Welcome, we say!

Because unlike Halloween, when people are shamelessly looking for a handout, at Christmas, guests often come with a gift!

How awesome is that!?

They hand you stuff! And it’s often chocolate or something equally fattening and delicious!

Presents

For me? Thanks so much! Come on in! (Photo credit: Wysz)

So, on this day after Halloween, I invite you to turn your lights on with us.

May the season be off to a lovely start for all y’all. May it be magical! May it be memorable! May it be filled with love!

May at least some of it be on sale.

And may it be, just a teensy tiny bit…

Jaded.

10 thoughts on “Post-Halloween Recap: Was Turning Off The Porch Light, Ordering Take-Away, And Acting Like We Weren’t Home The Best Way To Handle The Holiday? You Bet It Was!

  1. Loved your post.:-) I turned my lights off early this year. The tiny kids with parents were cute and charming. The older kids behavior not so charming. Grab and go and a thank you as an after thought.

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